A Letter of Complaint - correction

                                                                                                  45 Sokolov Street,                                                                                                                                      Holon, Israel                                           
                                                                                                   October 2, 2013      

Mrs. Smith

The Manager

"Zara"

POB 69875

Tel Aviv

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Recently I have noticed that your store "Zara" has raised its prices by more than 30%. I am writing this letter because I want your understanding about the price raising(phr.) and (that you) see it through your shoppers' point of view. 

Since you opened your clothing store I was immediately amazed by their low prices, their quality and their style. It was always full of people and everybody went shopping there. But lately the store has increased its prices and because of that I can't find any item which is in my price range. Now going shopping for one or two items of clothes make(gr.) me waste my salary of one or two full days(phr.).

Moreover, I am sure you are aware of the face(ww.) that your style of clothing is made for teens, like me. As a result, most of the teenagers can't afford these prices for clothing, especially when we have to pay for other things by our selves without anybody's help, like (a) driving license. Your choice to raise the prices by more than 30% will probably lead to the leaving(phr.) of many shoppers like me because we can't afford that kind of prices on clothing.

To conclude, I will be glad if you consider my suggestion to lower the prices of the clothes like it used to be. Many teens, including me, will appreciate your consideration and thoughtfulness.

Yours faithfully,

Jane Mayer

This is much better. Well done.
(88)
Daphna

Modul G Page 12 - Teens volunteering - correction

Teens volunteering

Students should and can become more involved in their community, but only a few do(gr. - are) . The school can use certain methods like psychology because there are ways that the students will see it(phr.) as something fun and not as a duty.

In my opinion, students can choose what they want to do for their community like, helping old people or Holocaust survivors, by being with them and listen(ing)  to their stories, (New sentence) it may not seems(gr.) importent(sp.) to others but it is very important to those survivors. They can also help kids with their homework, play games in the afternoon with little kids etc.

Moreover, schools can offer rewards for the teens' help in their community. The schools can do(ww.) a contest, (in which) whoever helps and volunteers in the community the most will get a valuable award. This system will motivate them to volunteer and do something good and valuable for their community.

To sum up, students need motivation to help and volunteer. Few of the teens will volunteer by their free willing without getting something in return. It is also important that they love what they do because they won't just do it, they will do it with their heart and soul. 

This is better, but you still haven't mentioned the benefits of volunteering.
(84)
Daphna