post reading activity- correction

post reading activity:

1/10/12

Dear editor of the newspaper(מיותר),

You might be aware of the issue that women don’t really count in society and because of that injustice phenomenon(מיותר), women can't be (as) successful just(מיותר) as men. For that reason, women have to fake their identity and do other tricks just to be as successful as men.

In some cases, women succeed to trick the society and they manage to show the world what they are capable of, without limits from society, and when they succeed to manage their willing(phr.). It makes their days worth while(when) they do the things they like.

But in some cases they can't manage their willing(phr.) and it makes their days worth less then lost, mining(sp.) they didn’t accomplish anything and they couldn’t do what they wished for. - too vague. What exactly do you mean? What is it they want to do and can't? 

To sum up, society should let women do whatever they want and work wherever they want. (New sentence) without(ww.- They shouldn't) being(gr.-be) judge(d) by men and the whole society just for being a women. 

This still needs work.
(70)
Daphna

Post Reading Activity

:Post Reading Activity

<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->1/10/12

Dear editor of the newspaper,

You might (be) aware of the issue that women don’t really count in society and because of that unequal(ww.) phenomenon, women can't be successful just as men. For that reason, women have to make fake and other tricks(phr.) just to be (as) successful as men.
In some cases women succeed to trick the society and they manage to show the world what they are capable of (you are missing a word here) without limits from society, and when they succeed to manage their willing(phr.) it makes their days worth(while).

But in some cases they can't manage their willing(phr.-what do you mean?) and it makes their days worth (less) then(sp.) lost, mining(sp.) they didn’t accomplish anything and they couldn’t do what they wished for.  

Now you need a final paragraph to conclude and make your point - what is it that you are actually trying to say here? Why did you write the letter to the editor? What was the purpose?

(70)
Daphna