All my sons act 3 - Bridging text and context:

Bridging text and context

Arthur Miller's plays address social issues, such as how we deal with the pressures that are put on us by family and society. Recurring themes of his major works include the importance of personal and social responsibility and the danger of moral corruption caused by materialism and greed.

This information adds to my understanding of the play by showing me that the play is dealing with real problems and issues from the real life that's reflected in the play. The information tells about the hard life that people, soldiers and families had to go through the hard life after the war when they had to go to their "normal" life(phr.) but sometimes they had to live their usual life without one or more members from the family. The play reflects the exact situations that families had to go through after the(מיותר) World War 2. - this is too general.You need to start connecting the information you were given to the characters and plot of the play.

In the play Joe, a businessman, made a huge mistake that caused the deaths of 21 pilots. Because of Joe's action - sending broken cylinders, he killed(ww.-caused the death of) his own son - Larry. At the end of the play, Larry's letter is being(מיותר) discovered and the family, for the first time, understands that Larry isn't alive, he killed himself because he couldn't handle with(מיותר) the terrible actions of his father. Larry turns out to be more idealist than Chris who until then considered with the idealist thought(phr.).

Your work is messy and incomplete. You don't relate to the relevant issues in the play. What about Joe's and Chris' conflicting points of view on the issue of social responsibility and the profit Joe made during the war? How did Joe try to excuse his actions? What is the connection to Miller' life? - so much is missing.

(70)
Daphna

A Letter of Complaint - correction

                                                                                                  45 Sokolov Street,                                                                                                                                      Holon, Israel                                           
                                                                                                   October 2, 2013      

Mrs. Smith

The Manager

"Zara"

POB 69875

Tel Aviv

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Recently I have noticed that your store "Zara" has raised its prices by more than 30%. I am writing this letter because I want your understanding about the price raising(phr.) and (that you) see it through your shoppers' point of view. 

Since you opened your clothing store I was immediately amazed by their low prices, their quality and their style. It was always full of people and everybody went shopping there. But lately the store has increased its prices and because of that I can't find any item which is in my price range. Now going shopping for one or two items of clothes make(gr.) me waste my salary of one or two full days(phr.).

Moreover, I am sure you are aware of the face(ww.) that your style of clothing is made for teens, like me. As a result, most of the teenagers can't afford these prices for clothing, especially when we have to pay for other things by our selves without anybody's help, like (a) driving license. Your choice to raise the prices by more than 30% will probably lead to the leaving(phr.) of many shoppers like me because we can't afford that kind of prices on clothing.

To conclude, I will be glad if you consider my suggestion to lower the prices of the clothes like it used to be. Many teens, including me, will appreciate your consideration and thoughtfulness.

Yours faithfully,

Jane Mayer

This is much better. Well done.
(88)
Daphna

Modul G Page 12 - Teens volunteering - correction

Teens volunteering

Students should and can become more involved in their community, but only a few do(gr. - are) . The school can use certain methods like psychology because there are ways that the students will see it(phr.) as something fun and not as a duty.

In my opinion, students can choose what they want to do for their community like, helping old people or Holocaust survivors, by being with them and listen(ing)  to their stories, (New sentence) it may not seems(gr.) importent(sp.) to others but it is very important to those survivors. They can also help kids with their homework, play games in the afternoon with little kids etc.

Moreover, schools can offer rewards for the teens' help in their community. The schools can do(ww.) a contest, (in which) whoever helps and volunteers in the community the most will get a valuable award. This system will motivate them to volunteer and do something good and valuable for their community.

To sum up, students need motivation to help and volunteer. Few of the teens will volunteer by their free willing without getting something in return. It is also important that they love what they do because they won't just do it, they will do it with their heart and soul. 

This is better, but you still haven't mentioned the benefits of volunteering.
(84)
Daphna

Module G page 12 - Teens volunteering

Teens volunteering

Students can become more involved in their community, but the few that will do it by their own willing(phr. - only a few do it.......). The school can use certain methods like psychology because there are ways that they(who?) will see it as something fun and not as a duty.- Yes but should teens volunteer?

In my opinion, students can choose what they want to do for their community like, helping old people or Holocaust survivors(in what way?), helping kids with their homework, play games at(ww.) the afternoon with little kids etc.

Moreover, schools can offer rewards for the teens' help in their community. The school(s) can make(ww.) a contest, whoever helps and volunteers in the community the most will get a valuable award. This system will motivate them to volunteer and do something good and valuable for their community.- Yes, but again, why should teens volunteer? Why is it good for them?

To sum up, students need motivation to help and volunteer. Few of the teens will volunteer by their own willing(ww.) without getting something in return. It is also important that they will(מיותר love what they will(מיותר) do because they won't just do it, they will do it with their heart - You need to make yourself clearer here.

(73)
Daphna 

All the years of her life – post reading - correction

All the years of her life – post reading

There are some themes during the story(phr.). One of them is to be caught red-handed. When I was 5 years (old) I have done(gr.) something wrong, I have(מיותר) stole. This is something I remember until today and I will remember it for the rest of my life. I do regret it but I am also happy that (it) happened because from that day I have learned an important lesson.

When I was young, my mother asked me to buy milk from the grocery. She gave me 7 shekels, the exact money for paying the milk(phr.). When I got there I went to the refrigerator to get the milk and on my way to the cash desk(ww.-register) I saw a candy that looked really good. I wanted the candy really badly but I couldn't afford it because I didn't have the money for it. The more I looked at the candy the more I wanted it. At last, unreasonably, I took the candy and put it into my pocket without the cashier's attention. I went to the cash desk(ww.) really nervous because I wasn't sure if the Cashier noticed. I paid for the milk and went home.

When I got home I gave the milk to my mom as I was requested to, but my mother noticed that I had an extra candy in my pocket. She asked me how I got it. I admitted that I had stolen the candy. She explained to me why it was wrong stealing(gr.- to steal) because stealing is not only against the law but also it's hurting(gr.) the person I have(מיותר) stole from and I felt really guilty. She told me that we were going to get(ww.-go) back to the grocery to give it back and tell the cashier that I was sorry for stealing, and so we did.

From that day I have learned my lesson, I will never steal again.

This is much better!
(88)
Daphna

Letter To The Editor 1 - correction

                                                                             

                                                                           12 Sokolov Street,                                                                    Holon, Israel
                   September 7, 2013

The Editor
Haaretz
15 Moshe Dayan Street
Tel Aviv,Israel

To the Editor,

The article "Israel suspends standardized tests" talks about the decision to cancel the Mitzav tests in Israel. I support this decision because (of) the compelling arguments you have(מיותר) brought up during(ww.-in) the article.

In my opinion, tests, especially major tests, are(gr.-do) not only make the students overly nervous but also don't reflect the student's knowledge. Those tests are aimed by time and by the end of the time the student can't continue his test and he won't be able to show his real knowledge and hard work he has done to study for the test(phr.)

Moreover, tests have become the big tool for measuring the students knowledge and by grades the school divide the students(phr.). That's wrong because numbers can't tell that he is better than one person but less better than the other. All Students are different from each other and they can't be aimed(ww.) by the same tests because each student is(an) individual and a system that works on (ww.-for) one student (does) not necessary that will(מיותר) work on another student.

I believe that if every one of us who reads this article will think and remember his years in high school, we will remember how unfair the tests sometimes has(gr.) been and the tests that we couldn't
finish on time and has been taken from us.(phr.)


Sincerely yours,
Jane Mayer

This needs a lot of work. Please rewrite.
(75)
Daphna

  

Post Reading - as I grew older

Post Reading

Everybody has good days and bad days. I had ups and down in my life like every other normal person. I had a difficultly in my life that I had to overcome and break the "wall".

Last year was the first year I started to take the Matriculation exams. On my first Matriculation exam I was really nervous and I was afraid because all those years I had studied in the elementary school and the Middle School I was prepared for those exams. I overcame my fear by learning perfectly all the material and I can pass this exam easily because I studied all year long and studied for this exam for a week. I went to the exam with confidence.

To conclude, it was difficult for me to overcome but I eventually did it. My "sun" was my self-confidence I was sure I knew all the material and my "wall" was the Matriculation exams. But after I passed the first exam I was confident again.

Reflection - as I grew older

Reflection:

1.     I enjoyed reading the poem, because I liked the way the poet wrote the poem. He makes the reader read it with an intensity of emotion. Moreover I have enjoyed reading As I Grow Older because I liked the way Hughes uses an un-materialistic timeline to his “Dream” journey. The poem makes you read it with an intensity of emotions, by Hughes’s use of repetitive words, punctuation marks and exclamation points.
Furthermore, the poem is relatable by dealing the subject of changing perspective of the growing human being- innocence, then knowledge of the wrongness, and in the end- acceptance and resolution.

2.     I found the poem encouraging because after all the "walls" that stood in the poet's way, he didn't give up his suppressors and he fought his way to be free.

3.     The skill of Distinguishing Different perspectives adds to my understanding of the poem by understanding the poet writing about his dream from a perspective of a child and how it changed as he grew older.

Bridging text and context - summer's reading - correction

Post reading:

2.  

Dear Mr. Cattanzara,

I'm writing you this letter because I want to thank you. Since you pushed me 10 years ago to improve my education and actually read those 100 books, I have changed. After I improved my education, I found a great job and lately I was promoted to be the vice president of the company. Moreover, I got marry to my wife whom I met at the company and even some of my oldest friends from high school work there. They were surprised to see how successful I have become since I have dropped out from school they thought I did a mistake by dropping out but I have showed them I did succeed  

I will never be able to thank you enough for pushing me to do something useful with my old life 

George Stayonovich

Post reading activity - Introduction to poetry - correction

Post reading activity:

There are contentions between the opinions of how poetry should be taught. In my opinion, poetry should be taught with patience and willing to understand the poem without rushing to get to the meaning of it immediately.

There are people who say poems should be taught at the fast way, to get immediately to the meaning of the literature piece and just study it without actually understanding and connecting to it by ourselves because they don’t have time to teach it properly and the have to finish the whole material pieces.

However, other people say that poems should be taught by getting into the meaning of the poem and understands it in our own way without rushing to get to the end of it. People should actually learn poems not because they have to, but because they want to 

To conclude, I would prefer to read poems and understand their meaning in my own way without rushing to get immediately to its meaning. I want to learn poems because I want to and not because I'm being forced to study it and get to the bottom of it. 

Bridging Text And Context - as i grew older - correction

Bridging Text And Context

P-54

Langston Hughes was an African – American writer and a poet.  His writing express pride in being black. Hughes was a leading figure in the African – American artistic movement called the Harlem Renaissance. It's members believed that through art, literature and music, African – Americans could challenge racial stereotypes and bring about racial equality and integration. The information is reflected by telling us that the poet was a leading figure in the movement who tried to settle the disputes between the black and white people. Is it reflected in the poem by showing us that the poet is black and he says to all the black people that they can achieve their dreams, because he did do that and achieve his dream by smashing the wall.

It helped me understand better the poem by understanding that the poet's writing expressed pride in black people which shows us when he chooses to use his dark hands to break the wall that is blocking him from his dream.

Bridging Text And Context - as i grew older

Bridging Text And Context

P-54

Langston Hughes was an African – American writer and a poet.  His writing express(gr.) pride in blackness(ww.-being black). Hughes was a leading figure in the African – American artistic movement that(מיותר) called the Harlem Renaissance. It's members believed that through art, literature and music, African – Americans  could challenge racial stereotypes and bring about racial equality and integration. The information is reflected by telling us that the poet was (a) leading figure (in the) movement who tried to settle the disputes between the black and white people.- how is it reflected in the poem?

It helped me understand better the poem by understanding that the poet's writing express(gr.) pride in black people which shows us when(phr.) he chooses to use his dark hands to break the wall that (is) blocking him from his dream.

This is partial. Please correct your work.
(68)
Daphna

Post reading activity - Introduction to poetry

Post reading activity:

There are several ways that poetry can be taught(What are they?). There are divisions(ww.) between the opinions of how poetry should be taught.(Add your opinion here, in general, and then, explain it in the next paragraphs).

In my opinion, poetry should be taught with patience and willing to understand the poem without rushing to get to the meaning of it immediately. There are people who say poems should be taught at the fast way(phr.), to get immediately to the meaning of the literature piece and just study it without actually understand(ing) and connect(ing) to it by ourselves(why???).

However, other people say that for(ww.) their opinion, poems should be taught by getting into the meaning of the poem and understand(gr.) it in our own way without rushing to get to the end of it. People should actually learn poems not because they have to, just(ww.-but) because they want to (how is this done? explain and give examples. Why is it better to do it this way? How do the students benefit from this way?)

To conclude, I would prefer to read poems and understand its(ww.-their) meaning in my own way without rushing to get immediately to its meaning. I want to learn poems because I want to and not because I'm being forced to study it and get to the bottom of it. 

 

Please correct your work and try to "go deeper" with your arguments. If not, what you are left with is an essay that doesn't say much, just some general statements, that mean nothing.

(70)

Daphna    

 

 

Why don't you correct you work?

Daphna

 

  

Post reading - summer's reading

Post reading:

Dear Mr. Cattanzara,

I'm writing you this letter because I want to thank you. Since you pushed me 10 years ago to improve my education and actually read those 100 books, I have changed. After I improved my education, I found a great job and lately I promoted(gr.- use the passive) to be the vice president of the company. Moreover, I got marry to my wife which I met at the company. 

I will never be able to thank you enough for pushing me to do something useful with my old life 

<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--> <!--[endif]-->

Yours,

George Stayonovich

Not bad. But too short, and again too general. Why don't you try to go deeper and be more specific describing George's life and what he went through in the past 10 years? Remember, he hasn't seen his friend in a long time and used to be close - so he probably has more to tell him.

(77)

Daphna

Reflaction - summer's reading

Reflaction:

1.   I enjoyed reading the story because I think it gives us a room to think and imagine how it ended eventually. Moreover, it has a good moral and we can learn from it and relate it to our life.

2.   Learning about the skills of explaining Couse and Effect and Undercovering Motives influence my understanding of the story by showing me that everything in life has an effect on our future and we need to think before we act. Moreover, I learned that sometimes people has motives to help us even if they don't say it to us clearly.

3.   Awareness of characterization adds to my enjoyment of future stories by putting a little more attention to the character's behavior and understands their actions during the story. Moreover we even can guess their future action, in that way we can learn from them and relate to them.

Bridging text and context - summer's reading

Bridging text and context

<!--[if !supportLists]-->A.    <!--[endif]-->The information reflects(gr.- use the passive form) in “A Summer’s Reading” by shows(gr.) us the information about the writer of this short story. Meaning, it shows us when it was written and what we can understand from the characters' behavior and relate(gr.) it to the years the story was written.- This is too vague and isn't saying much. Please rephrase this paragraph. Start by explaining in your own words what it is that the new information is saying. Then show, specifically, using examples from the story, how this information is reflected in the story.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->B.    <!--[endif]-->Reading this information about Bernard Malamud adds to my understanding of the story that(ww.) it shows me the years he lived in, and connects it to the story's spirit(what does that mean? You are not onlt supposed to relate to Malamud's lfetime, but how his story deals with this period of time and the reality of the immigrants living in that poor NewYork neighborhood). Moreover, it tells us the way the writer used to write his stories and reflect it to the story “A Summer’s Reading”.

You must rephrase your work and be clearer and more specific. Pay attention to my remarks.
(50)
Daphna

Basic Understanding - summer's reading

This is not the way to present your work.You must type it in properly!

count that day lost - correction 2

post reading activity:

1/10/12

Dear editor,

You might be aware of the issue that women don’t really count in society and because of that injustice, women can't be as successful as men. For that reason, women have to fake their identity and do other tricks just to be as successful as men.

In some cases, women succeed to trick the society and they manage to show the world what they are capable of, without limits from society. When they succeed to get what they want, it makes their days worth when they do the things they like.

But in some cases they can't get what they want, it makes their days worth less than lost. They didn't accomplish anything and they couldn't do what they wished for. 

To sum up, society should let women do whatever they want and work wherever they want, without being judged by men and the whole society, just for being a women.